YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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