Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
