Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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