Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize