she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
