no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The beer is more important than you right now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
