I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize