my phone needs a breathalizer
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
