Four minutes until I can fart!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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