I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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