I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
