Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
