You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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