Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
