upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
