Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize