I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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