my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
