Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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