I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
