I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
