Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
