Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
