'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
