Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
