If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
