everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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