So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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