So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
