so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
