I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
