Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
