Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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