Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
