Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
