we have pet lesbian snakes
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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