Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize