Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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