My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
