Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
