...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
