Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
