The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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