Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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