I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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