Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
