My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
