Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
