I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
