Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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