I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
