Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I still have a little drunk in my system
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
