The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
