I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
