it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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