SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize