Your face is a jimmy john
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
