he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
