i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
