why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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