What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
