OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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