It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
