Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
